How to Commit Suicide …. With Style…
Some matter is inappropriate for readers below 18 , so reader discretion is advised.
Suicide !!! dictionary. definition. “The act of killing oneself is called suicide”.
Now a days suicide is done for many reasons, ie; reasons other than “taking one’s lives” , off course none of these suicide attempts are seen to the end by the committer , they are basically committed or attempted by teenagers to threaten family members or boyfriends/girlfriends into agreeing to one’s point of views , whatever happened to the heart to heart between parents and kids about the “Generation Gap”, periods , Hitting puberty , Proper Drug Abuse Etc etc.
Here the reason isn’t important, what’s important is , if you wanna kill yourself , do it in style, go as the Awesome person you always wanted to be (at which u failed ,probably that’s y u r committing suicide) , rather than the wimp u really are…
I am listing here some ways to kill yourself with style….
1. EAT A BATHTUB FULL OF BEANS
Awesomeness – 4 Manliness – 8 Style - 2 Mess – 9
What you need - 1 Bathtub full of Beans , You (you have to be there) , a spoon
Its as simple as the title is , just sit in the bathtub filled with beans , and dig in until you have finished it all , Now one thingeven a child of 5 know’s about beans is that , “Beans give you Gas” , so until and unless you are not blessed with the “golden colon of the gods” , you will probably shit yourself before the tub is even half empty , But the trick is too keep eating , what bad is a lil self gravy with the beans, I assure you that if you try this you will surely die of disgust if not from the bloating that the beans and overeating is gonna cause. It’s a sureshot way to go, it just leaves behind a awful lot of mess to clean up for the family and friends,… OH wait ,,.. who am I kiddin ??, only family , u don’t have any friends…
PS- keep a glass of water handy , you don’t wanna die by choking on a bean , it may look like an accident and all your efforts of committing a cool suicide will go down the drain.
2. STRANGLE YOURSELF
Awesomeness – 8 Manliness – 8 Style – 3 Mess – 1
What you need – Balls
This one is very simple yet very complicated,
Step 1 – Grab your Throat with your own hands.
Step 2 – Apply pressure on the windpipe.
As awesome as this technique can be , it can also cause you a lot of embarrassment infront of the medic who will revive you every time he finds you passed out in your own drool, in event of an failed attempt , keep this up for a few more times and maybe the medic will choke you out of irritation.
3. SUFFOCATING YOURSELF
Awesomeness – 9 Manliness – 3 Style - 7 Mess - 0
What do you need – A pillow and you , and a lot of will power.
Step 1 – Cover up your mouth and nose with the pillow.
Step 2 – Now try and hold your breathe.
Step 3 – If you are reading this step, You have most probably failed, please repeat the above two steps.
4. RAZOR BLADE –
Awesomeness – 8 Manliness – 2 Style – 2 Mess – 7
(Warning – Do not attempt If you are Haemophobic.)
What You need – A Razor Blade (the bigger the better)
Simple , take a blade , slit your wrists, then call up everyone you would wanna dedicate ur suicide to and wait for the darkness to slowly creep in, WAKE UP YOU PUSSY , Slitting wrists is gonna get you no where , Emo people and teenage girls slit wrists to get attention from their boyfriends and parents , maybe friends, its like a status symbol to them, a FAD these days, have u heard the conversations teenagers have at sleepovers these days ? “ You noe the last tym a slit my wrist Blah blah …” , “ this was my 5th tym, they got me that new car this tym….” Oh comon Be a Man , The Man and in some cases the Woman with the courage to take your own life.
The mantra here is “it's down the highway, not across the street” , Next tym you wanna Cut yourself remember to do it properly , Just take the razor blade , stick it up ur neck and , OFF WITH THE HEAD , and if you cant do that ,, remember a slit Across the THROAT is much more effective that a slit across the Wrists.
5. THE SILVER LINING – (THE Chocolate method)
Awesomeness – 12 Manliness – 10 Style – 8 Mess – 8
What you need - 2 Chocolate Filled KIndell or Cadbury eggs. , An Ice cream Scooper
First Scoop Your Eyes out with the Icecream Scooper , Replace them with Cadbury Chocolate Eggs , Then Using Anyone of the Above methods Kill yourself.
Why I call it the silver lining ??, umm becoz by the end of this , you Family members will find you dead, This represents the Dark Cloud, but Nonetheless there is chocolate in your eyes, and everyone loves chocolate, that’s the silver lining , Why disappoint your loved ones with plain old boring eyes, when you can surprise them with chocolate instead? I bet the Kids will Love it, Try it around Any festival.
6 . HEADBUTT THE SIDE WALK / WALL
Awesomeness – 7 Manliness – 8 Style – 6 Mess – 15
What you need – A sidewalk or A wall
It’s the simplest trick in the book, can be performed anywhere , whether you are outdoor or indoor all you have to do is find a sidewalk or a wall, and headbutt it until you pass out or you die, well whichever comes first, don’t worry even if you pass out ,chances are that you will die from loss of blood , and if somehow you survived your landlord or mom will surely kill you for ruining her Wallpaper from blood stains.
7 . THE COST EFFECTIVE METHOD
Awesomeness – 3 Manliness – 2 Style – 4 Mess – 25
What You need – A HOOKER , 0.75
This one is for people who wanna commit suicide, but are not in a big hurry to go about it. All you have to do is find a Hooker and ask her to let you lick her ass, if you are lucky enough, she might let you do it for free, cause practically this isn’t an act of sex, Anyway even if she charges you , I am ‘and I put stress here, I am Just ASSUMING this’ that it will cost you a measly 75 cents only , Anyway now that you have done the act , go home and relax , and wait , it will be a matter of weeks only when you will surrounded by the majority of STD’s, Gonorrhea, Herpes, Syphilis , And if you are Lucky enough ‘AIDS’ , This is gonna be really really messy … But then at such low cost how could you not afford to Kill yourself ??
8 . THE INDIRECT METHOD
Awesomeness – 11 Manliness – 5 Style – 5-10 MESS – 1-25(sky is the limit :P)
What You Need – ‘A Reason’
Almost anyone can fall under the category for this kind of suicide Attention Seekers, scorned lovers, a frustuated Employee, A Fed Up wife/Husband the list is endless.
The process is simple, choose a target .most probably a person who has made your life not worth living, due to which you are gonna commit suicide, but then you know
“To err is Human , To Forgive is just Plain Stupid”
So why not take with you the person who is responsible for your condition, its so simple , kill the person who has made your life hell , and then if you also feel like dying ,call the cops and tell them where you have hid the corpse. This technique is not a successful suicidal technique , becoz 90 % of the commiters quit after the 1st stage, ie; after killing the pain of their life, I wonder why?? Anyway if you are in the rest of 10 % then be sure to be brutal in the killing (u noe cold blooded murder) as it will attract more media attention , and give you your 15 minutes of FAME before Dying ,See killing two stones wid one Bird,, or was it the other way around.???? Hmmm I Wonder……
Remember ,it’s Your Suicide , Make it special….. :D
HAVE A NICE DAY !!! :)
Disclaimer - All Methods , listed here are just for entertainment purposes, and should not be tried at home or without supervision , however if you are more serious regarding your suicide then follow this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_methods , and remember you did not get this link from me. Okk Bye
